JUDE UMOREN

 The time is 3:50 am and I know that soon the cock will crow Why I stay up so late every night is something I want to know Many are times I get in bed early yearning for the arrival of a dream Yet I lay awake, eyes closed because sleeping is harder than it seems Don't you assume I'm up because of a girl for it won't sound right If the girl of my dreams is the reason why I can't sleep at night For in that state of sleeplessness, I'm flooded with regretful memories I think of points I could have used in past arguments to win my adversaries I become vulnerable to the voices in my head who gets me offended By telling me I'm never enough and suicide is the only way I can end it Whenever I fall asleep, my inner demons prey on me; their victim But I know I'll never find rest until I find a way to defeat them I'm optimistic that one day I will sleep peacefully, I believe I will But for now as soon as day breaks I'm going to get some sleeping pills

 Someone gave me a dictionary as a gift on my last birthday But when I'm asked how I'm doing, I don't have the words to say "I'm depressed and not okay" to me is the truth and the perfect reply But people don't believe me because they think I'm a happy and great guy Well, I think that's one thing I can confidently say I do very well Hiding my feelings behind a mask of happiness which nobody else can tell You don't have to worry about me because I'm holding on just fine Things are better now than when I used to think I was running out of time "Life is like a party, as soon as the music stops, you leave" I can't leave yet when I still have a million things to achieve I know it may seem to you like I'm just another BROKEN dude God is the POTTER, with that alone, things will be fine as they should See no matter how many times I may pass out from life blows. I'll always survive and get back in the fight 'cos that's ...

 My best friend just got engaged to a guy in the states And I have been crushing on her ever since 2008 I used to think that I was the only close male in her life And I've always been optimistic that one day she'll realize That I love her very much and she is the only girl I had ever adored But she never noticed me 'cos people don't see what they are not looking for And if you ask me why I love her more than I like myself It's probably because I have never known anyone else She shed tears of joy as they exchange their vows and I cry too But because we bleed the same does not mean it's the same pain I know she will smile at me while she walks down the aisle Heaven knows that I can't bear losing her to this guy I hope your marriage is fruitful as you're no more the apple of my eye A loser though I be but one thing I know is unexpressed emotions never die I wish you a happy married life Everything beautiful is ruined eventually

 Last December, I declared that 2020 was going to be my year. But just the first quarter, has me overwhelmed with fear. Staying at home, "forced introversion" seems like a difficult task. Then going out, I'm afraid I might suffocate in my face mask. I'm running out of food supplies and I really can't stay inside any longer. Because if the virus don't kill me outside, then I may die indoors from hunger. I'm social distancing and expecting nobody to come knocking on my door. Because to defeat this virus, I need to be at home yet at war

 Last night I was in bed staring at the ceiling. Down my cheeks strolled teardrops soaking my pillow Will it be over?, Will I ever get over this feeling? I closed my eyes hard enough hoping to never wake up tomorrow Heartbroken best describes me at the moment It's obvious that I'm not getting enough But what else am I supposed to do when I'm a victim of a one-sided love Is there really light at the end of the tunnel? What if the tunnel has no end? What if my future is dead as a door nail Will we ever be us again?

 Just like visitors to our houses, the war comes and goes. Who's going to die next?, Well that is something nobody knows. Amateurs and great men of valor have sacrificed their lives for peace. Mothers and daughters have prayed and fasted for the wars to cease. I personally wish the war would end. So that the soldiers would go back to their families and friends. I just want to go to school, sit on a classroom bench. I don't want to be a soldier laying ambush in a trench. I'm terrified because even though I don't fancy this war very much. The soldiers come to our village with letters of recruitment every month. Only bad news came back when my Dad and only brother were recruited.  I wasn't of age then but I am now, which leaves my Mom devastated. My best friend was taken last week and I feel like I'm running out of time. Will I ever make it back alive?, is the only thought going through my mind. My mind is at war with peace everytime I hear sirens coming from a dis...

 Whenever I hear you sing, every other sound around me. Fades into oblivion, I'm alone in my surrounding. Whenever I hear you sing, my eyes rain tears on and on. This is a sign that my heart has felt a blessing from someone. Whenever I hear you sing, I get lost in my thoughts. Is her rib cage really a musical instrument or not? Whenever I hear you sing, I'm sure that is the only sound I want to hear. Even though everytime I listen, I keep breaking down in tears. Whenever I hear you sing, I want your voice to be the only thing I listen to. I don't care if what your lyrics is saying is true or it isn't true. With a voice like that, you may have fallen from heaven or didn't you? Whenever I hear you sing, I get emotional. Because you are perfect, your voice is additional.

 You say i shouldn't bleach, that black skin is beautiful. But whenever I try to slay in this skin, you call me a beauty fool. I shouldn't blame you for hurting me because sometimes you don't mean to do that. But whenever we pose for a picture, I say "cheese" and you, "guy you're too black" You say I look like "Bingo" whenever I put on my dark shades. How do you enjoy saying my dark skin can stain a white shirt? Because of the things you say, I literally lurk in the dark. That's the only place I blend in without feeling attacked. Because of the things you'd say, I feel uncomfortable being in a crowd. So I avoid the public and people keep saying I'm proud. I don't feel welcomed everywhere I find myself in including my church. If Dark skin isn't a sin, then why will you look at me and start to judge? If you won't let me feel safe in this skin,  When I bleach, please don't cause a scene.

It's been 2years since you locked me here alone In this favorite place of yours; The Friend zone It's obvious that my only crime Was making the first move at that time You've snubbed me for too long And I'm beginning to wonder what I did wrong And if you check our inbox You may find cobwebs inside Because the conversation that existed between us Died because of your pride Each time I hear you tell him "ILY", I wish you don't mean it Even when I looked into your future and couldn't find me in it I can't cry you a river because I know you can't swim And if not for insomnia, I could at least be the Man of your dreams I'm always BATTLING with nervousness whenever I'm at your door So literary, I'm your KNIGHT in the shiny armor Now I'm starting to believe that crushing on you is waste of time But giving up is actually not my thing,so I don't mind Before I sleep tonight,I'll pray as I was taught to do Then hope that I'll w...

When I'm in great despair and loneliness is a cage I look out from Whenever silence envelopes me and numb goes my eardrums Whenever the oxygen around me is used by only me Whenever you look at me and all you can see is a lonely being Whenever I sit in isolation and stare in the great unknown Whenever I feel helpless and can't even fiddle with my phone Sit with me, for my salvation may come from our conversation Sit with me, for I may need someone to pour out my confessions Sit with me, for I may need your help to get through tough decisions Sit with me, for your presence may help me fight my depression For if there's anybody that is scared of living than dying, it's me I need you to battle with my suicidal thoughts, Please come sit with me

Have you ever been in the midst of family members yet feel so alone?. Yes? , that's your inner demons trying to make you a stranger in your home. Growing up I used to think that monsters lived under our beds. And that I could hear them speak through the voices in my head. But we humans are monsters fueled by deceit, jealousy and greed. I wonder why when we cut ourselves, it's only blood that we bleed. These fallen angels are preying on our spiritual weakness I know for certain. The devil works on earth because an idle man is a workshop for Satan. I've had sleepless nights and I blame these creatures for my lack of peace. Yet all my friends say I'm just delusional and that demons don't exist. But whenever they're caught for doing something evil. They're remorseful and shamefully say it's the work of the devil. In a heated argument a furious friend once told me " GO TO HELL". Little does he know that all my life I've been through hell. And t...